A part of me died, but the other part is STRONGER THAN EVER!
It isn’t always easy to change. It isn’t always easy to live.
In 2021, I spent three weeks in the hospital. Two of those weeks I was in a coma, one week I was in recovery after waking up from the coma, before eventually being set to go home and recover between home, and doctors appointments. Three months later I had a partial should replacement surgery.
I won’t go into much more detail then that as far as what I went through. It was hell, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I had terrifying dreams that felt like reality in the coma involving murder of my brother, and our country ending up in a war that sadly in reality could happen at anytime.
I had to go from being independent after finally living by myself for two years, to coming back home and being taken care of all over again. This isn’t the first time I have dealt with a major health issues knocking me down, and needing help to get back up.
It has been almost a year since ending up in the hospital and I have had to go through so many battles physically, emotionally, and spiritually. There has been moment where I was completely ready to give up. I have questioned why did they bother to keep my alive?
A part of me died during that experience. The confidence and boldness that I once had, gone. The joy and happiness I had, gone. The love for others, gone. I ended up in a very dark, very angry place. I HATED God for a long time. Constantly asking why, what the HELL DID I DO!
It took several months of me processing, and going over things in my head over and over again, and having family and friends play a part in helping me not return to where I was before everything happened. No, it was bigger than that, they helped me work through it, and helped me become STRONGER than I was before.
I am far from perfect! I still have a long road ahead of me in recovering in many ways. I got my head back on straight though, I’ve worked so hard in such a small amount of time to get my focus back on track. I have discovered issues that I need to deal with, baggage that I need to throw out.
I have pushed myself to take on things I never would of before. I’ve stopped letting people play middle man for me, I’ve stopped letting people take advantage of me, and I have stopped sitting back and not addressing things that needed to be addressed just because it was hard, or I didn’t want to.
You know what the best part is? It has all played a part in renewing me. While I may not enjoy it still, I have developed less of an issue in calling out problems in my job that need to be addressed. In my personal life that need to be addressed. I have discovered issues I had with relationships with individuals that needed to be addressed and while I can not control their side of things, I can control mine. This means releasing tension, removing stresses by addressing them, and moving on.
Yes, there is still plenty that eats away at me, there is still plenty that needs to be addressed. I’ve learned to take baby steps, start with the easy things first and the move up in difficulty, and by doing this it makes the more difficult tasks easier in the long run as I gain experience and learn something from each one.
I have begun to regrow my relationship with God in a healthy way. Been more open to hearing from the Holy Spirit in a way that I once did before all hell broke loose in my life, but even better than it was before. I recognize it even more than I use to!
I say all of this, because everyone has gone through something. For some it may not seem as bad as it has for others. Either way we all face something. We all can get through it, and you are not alone! It may feel lonely, it may feel impossible, but it is all doable, we can all conquer the mountain we face! Believe in yourself, develop relationships with others who can help you! If you don’t know anyone you can trust, then find someone you can? Maybe it would be through a support group, maybe church, maybe a hobby or sport, something where you can develop and grow relationships. Even seeing a Therapist is an option!
YOU ARE NOT ALONE! YOU ARE STRONGER THAN EVER! YOU CAN GROW AND BECOME MORE THAN EVEN YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE CAPABLE OF!
